I am supposed to write. I don't know how to explain it other than this is my calling, it is what I am supposed to do in my life. I am supposed to give words to ideas and then share them with a wide audience. I am compelled to do it in a way that is so terrifying that I avoid it in increasingly elaborate, creative ways. I am supposed to crack myself open for public consumption, to be authentic, raw, and straightforward about the human experience.
Things I have done to avoid writing in the past:
Played stupid video games. Volunteered every moment of my free time to various organizations. Made a baby. Coached soccer, even though I am not a sportser. Started a business. Took up knitting. Organized my bathroom cabinets. Alphabetized the books and then decided on the Dewey Decimal system and then decided on something else entirely. Saved a neurotic dog. Made feeble attempts to learn to play the ukulele. Colored mandalas. Drunk copious amounts of wine.
In fact, during the time it has taken to write this post, I have: Stared at the bottom of my coffee cup. Decided I needed a workout buddy at my gym and posted a request for one from my neighborhood Facebook group. Shared information on social media about two different chapters of a non-profit. Stalked a stranger's Facebook page. Checked my email accounts multiple times. Stared into space. Decided to start editing photos in the middle of a sentence.
The avoidance has to stop. I am hereby committing to writing every day. I will set a timer for at least 15 minutes and write. Even if it is crap, I will write. Even if someone is wrong on the internet, I will write. Even if photos need to be edited, I will write. Even if no one ever pays me for my words, I will write.
I must stop avoiding my calling. I will embrace it.
I will write.